oil

Summer art class. After-thoughts? It was pretty nice. Not that great, but I learned about the art of my peers and the atmosphere of art classes in university.

These works were done when I felt randomly inspired. Oil pastel junkk.

I'll call both works in progress. The landscape needs serious touching up and the blue girl has no armpit (in addition to a chunky shoulder haha).

the first of hopefully many

Art dump! The can drawing is really old but it was nice to dig up some color for a change. The can and eye are both done in colored pencil. The quick sketch of boy-wearing-slashed-pants is done in pen.

it's been exhausting

In a 'too lazy to get out of the bed until dinnertime' way.



Skin care routine updated! Now I do an egg-white mask every week and use sunscreen every day. I also am taking a break from my oh-so-reliable toner and replacing it with Bio-Oil. I love that stuff...

The second picture is me waking up with day-old makeup. Gross, I know. Look at my dead eyes... But at least my skin is decent. Not using any makeup other than on my eyes and lips keeps my skin in its prime. I'm not sure why my face is so shiny in the first picture haha.



I may post up some dance videos soon... Haven't done one of those in a long time :D
But I will definitely put up fashion and art things within a week.

giving up this beautiful gold

I cut out the back of this shirt as many have done a long time ago. This was really long ago... I always forget about this shirt since I wear it underneath layers so often.

I am going to give my favorite gold jewelry to a friend. It was originally a gold belt, but I wore it as a bracelet. I hope she likes it :)












































Whoa, when did my face get this tan...










My eyelid was feeling small today.

to qingqing

I know. I know. You probably hate hearing this, but I understand you. After our 'fight,' I was in no rush to scream and kick tree-ass like I normally do when I'm feeling the extremes of emotions. Not to say I stopped caring; I could never do that and I'm sure you know that because I slip out some cheesy 'I seriously love you' every once in a while when I see you. I try to be subtle... it never really works out that way. You point that out a lot.

I could never think of you as a bad person. I don't care if you innately think up shit in your head because what comes out of your mouth is always worded carefully. No, I don't think it's fake at all. Actually, I find this trait in you the most admirable. You truly consider the feelings of others. It's something that doesn't come naturally to me but, accidentally, has rubbed off from you onto me. It must be why we could be so mature to each other since we were kids. In fact, in our ten years of friendship, I can think of less than five instances when I have been truly angry with you. I think our longest fight lasted only three days. It happened because I wanted to protect you from a boy that would hurt you. I stopped being angry because it dawned on me that 1) I couldn't handle the tension any longer 2) I realized I didn't understand you as I annoyingly thought I did and 3) I had to accept that in the end... I had to share you. With people you have other mutual love with. Your parents. Your friends. A boy. There are many important ties in your life that don't have me woven into it. It's okay now... I've grown up a little as well.

I sound so selfish admitting that sometimes I want you entirely for myself... but it's the truth. I'm not even sure why I feel so secure with our relationship. I consider myself someone who, pertaining to all human relationships, doesn't fall in love easily and falls out of love easily---possibly the most unfortunate combination for Man Living in Society. Why is it, then, that you seem to break those rules? How is it that I maintained a friendship like this for so long? I am selfish, passive, separate, stiff, cruel. All the odds are against you, against us. Yet somehow this 'ship has come so far. I think you mean a lot more to me than I do to you. It seems as though I really really appreciate you. Because I do. A little more than necessary, you must be thinking. I can't help it. I should probably be more careful with my words and actions towards you since the last thing I want to do is cause tension between us. No that's too soft---I will be more careful. It's hard for me to put up an act when I'm around you, and I guess that ends up damaging you in the process. It's because I'm comfortable acting truly myself when with you... it just sucks that 'truly myself' means being blunt and impulsive in conversation, whether the speech product be nice or mean. When I say those terse replies back to you after you make a harmless comment, I really am not plotting anything in my head. I honestly don't even have any idea that I have audiences to say these things to. I really don't mean anything deeper than what I mean to say at that very moment, and...well, you already know. It's no reason that you can't be hurt, I know. I'm sorry.... My core personality is to be straight-up, pretty much the opposite of you. I think it meshes well, you know? Little moments can build up, but the compatibility always keeps us in line. Well maybe not for you, you tame Puritan, but for me, the Dino/Tyrannitar/Ninja/Raging Hormonal Teenager, it does. Because I know this, I would never and have never let some angsty words spoken as a byproduct of a stressful moment cloud my judgment when it comes to our friendship. In fact, my impulsive nature strangely disappears altogether.

Alright, that's a bit of a lie, but only by a bit. My knee-jerks reactions to cuss at you last less than four seconds and never leave my head. I think a mean response happened one time and I hurt you. When I realized you were hurting, I shut myself out mentally until I trained myself not to let something like that happen again. It's lame to even mention, but I ended up more hurt than you were. Little ugly moments where I become a pathetic character frighten me and send me back to reality. You are that reality check.

Thank you. For the apology, for the honesty, for the patience. I accept everything. Thank you for being in my life, Qingqing Teng. I can't wait for Cape Cod.

destroyed denim

Another diy job I did for a friend. I couldn't get a good picture at the time but they're basically just really slashed jeans.